Blog - Page 5 of 6 - Julie Bonn Blank, Christian Author, Afterlife Survivor & Speaker

Six Things To Do About Anxiety

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:27:11+00:00How To|

Last week, one of our Pastors preached on anxiety during the holiday season and I learned a few things. As you know, many of us struggle with anxiety. In fact, it is the number one disorder affecting 40 million adults in the United States (or so they say…ever wonder how they come up with that?). We also know that young people who use a ton more screen-time, have increased social isolation and experience trauma within families have a much higher rate of anxiety in their lives than ever before.

No Fear In Love

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” I John 4:18

This verse is not new to me and likely not new to you if you have struggled with anxiety. What have I learned from it over the years?

I learned that fear is NOT from God, it is from Satan. This helps me to pray it away and claim Jesus’ name when I am feeling it.
In addition, I learned that fear and love cannot coincide. I’m still working on this one.

Some of what he said made me muse:

“Fear has to do with punishment”. I’ve not delved into that phrase very much. The Pastor brought it up as related to a past event. In other words, at some point, we experienced punishment because there was a consequence associated with a happening, event, attitude, or action. I appreciate this viewpoint. It is part of being trauma-informed. I understand that trauma re-wires the brain and affects our future actions until we receive healing and work on rewiring the connections to have more healthy responses.

In his own life, our pastor has learned to ride the anxiety out, instead of frantically trying to find a way to deal with it. As it comes, he reflects instead of being fearful, as anxiety always has an ending point. In addition, because “perfect love casts out fear”, he is able to ask himself:

“Who or what is more important to me at this moment than the love of God?”

I guess this goes back to the part of the verse that says fear and love cannot coexist. You know, the part I’m working on.

Do Not Be Worried About Your Life

I realize that speaking point two points right back at me. I’m okay with that. God says worry is wrong. In Matthew 6:25, Jesus said, “For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life..”. However, we have to pay mind to outside influences. Some of us have trauma in our past or our present. Many people struggle with grief, especially around the holidays.

There are legitimate reasons why people struggle with anxiety.

Billy Graham says: “If we trust in our worry more than we trust God we are sinning by our lack of faith in God, who has given us the richness of His constant abiding presence, for those who put their faith in Him. Counter your worry by thinking about the things you do not worry about.”

By allowing anxiety, am I trusting my worry more than God?

Anxiety Rules

I am making myself some anxiety rules. Won’t you join me?

I accept that I have some anxiety/stress in my life.
I acknowledge that God doesn’t want me to be anxious, afraid or stressed.
I continue to work on healing and because self-care has been wayward as of late, I will get back to making myself a priority.
When anxious, I will remind myself it does not last forever. I will remind myself of God’s presence and his intense love for me. I will remind myself that EVERYTHING is in His hands and that I choose to trust Him. I will say this aloud if needed to redirect my brain.
I will go to Him in prayer. He might be waiting for me to do so more when I am anxious than at any other time.
I will look for a way to serve someone else in that moment. This could be writing an email of encouragement to someone, sending a card or picture, calling someone who needs me, making a meal for my family, walking my dog, etc. Anxiety is self-absorbing, even though we do not mean it to be. Serving another (even the dog) takes my focus off of me.

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Crazy Christmas – Finding Joy in the Midst

Julie BB2024-09-09T17:36:59+00:00Just Me|

This season has been crazy so far and I have been feeling more than a bit overwhelmed this week. I’m sure that many of you are too. I participated in #NaNoWriMo (Writing 50k words of my novel in the month of November- WHY do they have it in November?!) and am close to wrapping the book up. Until it does wrap, I am a bit mentally challenged (and often distracted) as it is stuck in my head and needs to get out. In fact, book 2 in the series needs to “get out ” too but will definitely have to wait until after the holidays.

How do book writers do this regularly? Get counseling? 🙂 I write on some hard topics and perhaps this is an answer. I also hear of some who do an outline as soon as they have an idea for a new plot line-so perhaps that would be helpful. My head is full of my characters and what they are experiencing and I apparently I need to learn HOW to let that go.

I work a day job as well, which includes some weekend and evening events, so “days off” from that office are limited- and also have some marketing clients. Usually the house is decorated by now but alas, it is not. (We did get a tree up and lights on yesterday. Yay!)

I’ve started shopping for presents so there is some success there. But I am hosting a gathering on the 15th and haven’t even started planning yet. I usually bake massive amounts of goodies each year for family and friends (I have a reputation to uphold there)-but have already decided to cut WAY back on that.

This is the year of too much. And it is making me sad because I want to be joyful.

But the days only have so many hours in them, and there is just too much going on.

Today at church, our pastor gave a very timely message for me and it hit me right at the heart of things. The scripture was Isaiah 7:2-9 (I would encourage you to read it) and the points pulled from it were:

BE CAREFUL- Things to think about: what is pressuring me? What feels overwhelming? These are things that might cause me to make unwise decisions because I am feeling rattled. Right there in church, I reflected and made a list, and then I was able to choose some priorities over others. Even listing it out helped some.
BE CALM– What can I do this week to increase my calm and peace? Anxiety is also something that can steer me towards making unwise choices. Well, making a list and prioritizing was a start to this. Realizing what has to be done this week- and what can wait until next weekend. Reminding myself that I am human and that there is one of me (although hubby has been a big help) and not setting myself up for failure by expecting myself to be Super Human. It just won’t happen. So I am working on my calm list this week, and already some of my “must-do’s” have moved to next week.
DO NOT FEAR– This is a rough one for me as anxiety in the last few year’s is high on my list of things to work on. Within this stress I listed above, there are a lot of new things happening too and there is always some fear in new things for me. I need to keep telling myself to trust God- as He truly does have it all in His hands. I do feel a peace that He is guiding my steps and that I am moving the direction that He wants me to go.
DO NOT LOSE HOPE– I am much too stubborn to lose hope entirely but aren’t some days discouraging? For sure. This is my temporary life, and my temporary home, and I want to focus more on what has value for my eternal life. I have much to be grateful for, as we all do.

This week, I am going to work on finding joy in the chaos of the holidays. I will implement the above strategies and I am also going to keep two lists. One of accomplishments and one of my things I am grateful for. Both will help me look back-and make sure that I am focused and reflecting on a clearer path.

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Scary Platform Building

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:36:51+00:00Appearances|

My schedule has taken a leap lately. I’m not sure why it happened. Or how. But God seems to be doing something and I’m just hanging on for the ride. As writers, we hear a lot of this: You have to build your platform. Publishers are not interested in your stories unless you can sell books. “The Platform” helps this to happen.

I do have a social media platform, as some of you know (with Twitter being the largest), and I do have some media exposure, but it was a long time ago. Not timely enough. When I decided that I need to write again, it also meant that I needed to start platform-building yet again. Sigh.

Writing a book is no longer just writing a book-it is marketing a book (and yourself), as well.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of speaking to 70 Physician Assistant students at Pacific University about domestic violence and how to look for it in their patients. I not only had several students want to talk afterward, but I also received a very sweet thank you card from one of the students who appreciated the sharing.

A month later, through my work at ARMS, I was able to share my story at Stomp Out Abuse 2019. I was terrified, and my voice shook the whole time. I vowed to never do it again. LOL. But, you guessed it, two weeks ago I was sharing my story as well as a talk on how to help clients set boundaries when a restraining order is not possible to Family Skillbuilders. These amazing people help DHS caseworkers with home visits when children are separated from their families. I was upbeat after that class and but still said, “Okay, that’s enough of that.” I left as soon as I could scoot out of there although I heard other speakers visited for an hour (oops).

What’s The Secret to Getting Appearances?

Do I know the secret? No. Although I have a background in Marketing/PR, I did not seek any of these engagements. In fact, to be honest, my initial reaction to almost all of them was resistance. Several times, I resisted more than once. I am resistant by nature-just ask my parents.

But I do know what steps I have made. God spoke to me a long time about sharing more of my story and I fought and argued about this for a long time. My story made me emotional-I hate to cry in front of others, it was scary to think about again, I didn’t want to “relive it” and I was very concerned about it affecting my children and family in a negative way by sharing the truth.

When I finally accepted a few months ago that God was calling me to share more of my story, I assumed it was a book. Bummer, because I really would rather write novels. My dad said at the time, “maybe it’s not writing it” and at the time I brushed it off. Of course, it would probably be writing it-I do love to write after all. So I sat down and wrote some of it out.

This writing didn’t become a book, and I’m not seeking for it to become one. However, it has become a very needed script guiding me as I speak to others about my experience.

Is God Calling You To Talk?

Is God calling YOU to talk about something scary? You can do it, if so. He will give you strength, and many may reap the rewards. There is a reason that God is asking and if you are too scared or hesitant-you can bet that Satan is working HARD to reduce your message’s effectiveness. When you speak it, you will not only experience victory over him but will reap the rewards for obeying God.

Let’s chat about Julie speaking to your group.

Here is a glimpse of my speaking schedule for the next few months:

October 30th– Filming some of my story for a video for the Washington County Family Justice Center. This will be played at a fundraiser that I will attend and also speak at, as well as used throughout the next year.
November 1st– Interviewing with a news station, also about my story and the benefits of the Family Justice Center.
November 12th– Interview with KBOO radio for “Calculated Conversation” in Portland, OR.
December 12th– Teaming up with Family Justice Center to do DV training at Community Action
February 22nd– Speaking at the Oregon Christian Writers Conference on Social Media and Building a Platform.

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The Three Things to Say to an Abuse Survivor

Julie BB2021-02-21T20:11:47+00:00Appearances|

Last night I had the privilege of speaking to 200 people on behalf of The Family Justice Center-Washington County We were there for the annual Denim & Diamonds fundraiser and I was terrified. I have just recently started speaking about my story of abuse and it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I want to thank Toni Loch, the Executive Director of FJC and Judy Willey, Board President, who have been so incredibly supportive of me speaking out. If you are interested, there are two videos below with bits of my journey.

In this first talk, I said there are two things you should say to survivors that are so very important. However, I pulled the wrong bullet point (nerves!) when I was speaking. Ha. So for those of you wondering, there are actually three points and these are:

I believe you. (No matter how crazy their story must seem). Victims/Survivors often have years of family members and friends who feel they might be exaggerating.
This is not your fault. Victims/Survivors also spend much of their time being blamed for the abuse. “If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have responded that way”. We also spend time hearing well-meaning people tell us that perhaps couples counseling would be of help). Why I don’t recommend couples counseling in cases of abuse.
You are not alone. Please let me help you.

https://youtu.be/5XYg123mLNE

What you didn’t see:

After I spoke and headed off the stage, the emcee stopped me and gave me a warm embrace. And then he asked the audience to all say together, “Julie, we believe you” and “Julie, you are not alone.” WOW! I was floored! This was a wonderful healing moment that I wish for each of you as well.

Earlier in the week, we filmed a promo video. Although much of my story didn’t make it onto this one (we filmed for 30 minutes, and about 30 seconds made the cut-about standard-I hear), I hope that it will both help people come forward to report and received help for abuse, as well as raise needed funds for The Family Justice Center, Washington County.

The 10 Things You Must Know When Helping a Survivor

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Denim & Diamonds with the Family Justice Center

Julie BB2024-09-09T17:20:05+00:00Appearances, Media|

Last night I had the privilege of speaking to 200 people on behalf of The Family Justice Center-Washington County We were there for the annual Denim & Diamonds fundraiser and I was terrified. I have just recently started speaking about my story of abuse and it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I want to thank Toni Loch, the Executive Director of FJC and Judy Willey, Board President, who have been so incredibly supportive of me speaking out. If you are interested, there are two videos below with bits of my journey.

In this first talk, I said there are two things you should say to survivors that are so very important. However, I pulled the wrong bullet point (nerves!) when I was speaking. Ha. So for those of you wondering, there are actually three points and these are:

I believe you. (no matter how crazy their story must seem. Victims/Survivors often have years of family members and friends who feel they might be exaggerating).
This is not your fault. (Victims/Survivors also spend much of their time being blamed for the abuse. “If you hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have responded that way”. We also spend time hearing well-meaning people tell us that perhaps couples counseling would be of help). Why I don’t recommend couples counseling in cases of abuse.
You are not alone. Please let me help you.

What you didn’t see:

After I spoke and headed off the stage, the emcee stopped me and gave me a warm embrace. And then he asked the audience to all say together, “Julie, we believe you” and “Julie, you are not alone.” WOW! I was floored! This was a wonderful healing moment that I wish for each of you as well.

Earlier in the week, we filmed a promo video. Although much of my story didn’t make it onto this one (we filmed for 30 minutes, and about 30 seconds made the cut-about standard-I hear), I hope that it will both help people come forward to report and received help for abuse, as well as raise needed funds for The Family Justice Center, Washington County.

Thanks for watching!

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Rojo The Therapy Llama

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:45:40+00:00Homespun, Just Me|

Life is slower at the beach. And our days are often more interesting than at any other time in our lives.

Yesterday after a two-hour, beautiful drive along Highway 30, we met Rojo the certified therapy Llama who lives at Mountain Peaks Therapy. We also met his alpaca buddy Napoleon, other friends in his herd and his human family, Lori and Shannon (author of the children’s books, “Where is my Hair?” and “The Perfectly Imperfect Llama”). Our treat of the day was carrots and they did almost everything possible to sample the wares until my bag ran out.

Rojo Trotting

I must tell you the sight of Rojo trotting at full speed to meet me was brilliant. His red fur flew along behind him. His eyes were huge and he held his head high. I suspect he was hoping to go bye-bye as his van and trailer were parked behind me. He decided that he was pretty pleased with the carrots instead.

It’s different spending time with animal that can meet you eye-to-eye. My life is filled with pets of the domestic kind much closer to the ground versus ones that stand as tall as I do. As these animals gathered around for carrots, looking me straight in the eye, I remembered my manners a few times and looked away first. “Your herd, not mine.” But looking into their huge eyes, wondering what they were thinking (“food?”) fascinated me.

Rojo is a cuddler and he often placed his head on my shoulder. His fur (fiber as they call it) is extremely soft and he liked the neck strokes the best, These therapy animals often visit hospitals, nursing homes, rehab centers and struggling individuals. They can help with PTSD, depression, anxiety and much more. When people have difficulty being comfortable with other people, animals can often bridge that gap. If you follow their Facebook pages, you will see that Napoleon recently even went to church. These animals also attend private events, including 30-50 weddings a year, birthday parties and more.

Thank you to Mountain Peaks for a wonderful visit. We enjoyed getting to know both the humans and the herd!

UPDATE: Rojo has passed to Llama heaven-a likely victim of cancer. See his tribute here.

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Oregon Bound

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:48:17+00:00Homespun, Just Me|

Life is starting anew. It’s time to go home to Oregon! We’ve lived near Chicago now for four years. None of us have been thrilled about it (especially the weather). With the idea that we would seek to live back in the Northwest someday, we continued forward because we were called here-for a bit. But a year or so ago, both hubby and I became discontent in our jobs. We sought some sound advice, as we both like to do, and something my dad said really struck me. “God moves you forward in two ways. He either brings up an offer elsewhere you just can’t refuse or He makes you very discontent with where you are.”

Hmmm.

I Went Home For Three Weeks

I took three weeks and went home this past summer to go to a class reunion, family reunions and to celebrate my dad’s 80th. The youngest came along. With the exception of missing hubby, middle and Mocha doggie (2 out of 3 came to visit halfway through-we didn’t want to put Mocha through just a “visit plane ride” lol). I didn’t really want to come “home” to Chicago when the three weeks was done. On the West Coast, we have my parents (for a half year), two brothers and families, our two daughters, my hubby’s sister and family, friends and of course, THE BEACH.

I didn’t quite understand the need that I felt to quit my day job in Chicago a couple of months ago. I am a logical and fairly practical person, with some emotions tossed in. But the thought was persistent and when some things happened there that I was uncomfortable with, I chatted with hubby. “What are you going to do?” He said as I nodded vigorously. I had no idea. Only knew, for some odd reason, that it “was time.” But never before have I quit a job without something else in place! Perhaps I was going insane? And yet, the idea wouldn’t leave my brain.

I Was Obedient to God

I gave notice. They asked for 3 more weeks after the 2 and I agreed since nothing else had come up, and I left for good about 10 days ago. And here is what has happened since I was obedient to what God was telling me to do:

Within 4 days I had an agreement from an agent who wants to represent my novel about human trafficking. We’re ironing the details out. I’ve written a picture book now too and have a good start on a chapter book. Looking forward to #NaNoWriMo!
Within 8 days I had an offer for employment on the West Coast, with an organization (ARMS) that focuses on domestic violence ministry. I teach groups for them here, help them afar with marketing and have always wanted to help more in some way. This organization was essential in my healing from past abuse.
God provided twice the amount of income via self-employment my first week “unemployed” than I earned at the day job, with more in the pipeline.

I just have to tell you, the opportunities keep flowing in. All because I was obedient, and apparently it is time. I have accepted the job in Oregon. I will work in Chicago from afar for a few months as well as keeping up on writing and marketing clients. We will relocate before Christmas (hopefully-keeping the Chicago-to-the-Rockies weather in mind).

Your prayers are appreciated for employment there for hubby and for logistics and adjustments for my boys, pets, etc. We need to sell the house. There is a lot to still figure out!

Thank you for your support and prayers!

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Featured in Glen Ellyn Living

Julie BB2025-07-22T23:11:50+00:00Appearances|

I enjoyed being featured in Glen Ellyn Living recently about Glen Ellyn Rocks. The article also mentioned my writing/marketing activity and my upcoming book. I met their writer Alicia at the Taste of Glen Ellyn 2018 at a booth for Glen Ellyn Rocks. She also manages Glen Ellyn Moms Village.

What is Glen Ellyn Rocks? It is a Rock Painting group-the kind that is popular in many villages/towns and intended to help build community, activity and joy in our families and neighborhoods. We like to hashtag the rocks we paint with #FBGlenEllynRocks so people know they can find the group on Facebook. Please feel free to join us there!

When we paint rocks, most styles apply. They can be words of encouragement, animals, stripes, hearts or whatever kid-friendly design that you enjoy or whatever your kids want to paint! Then you hide the rocks in Glen Ellyn somewhere and post hints on the group site as to where you hid them. People will follow up and find your rocks and often post their pictures of joy in finding them.

If you find a rock, you are free to keep it or re-hide it.

Thanks to the Glen Ellyn Chamber for inviting us to the Taste of Glen Ellyn! We had a great time!

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Won’t You Be My Neighbor? The Value of Community

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:55:16+00:00Branding, Current Events, Just Me|

We are never a mistake. Do you believe this? God created us each to be precious individuals and we each have a reason for being placed on this earth. Mister Rogers made it his life’s mission to address the issues facing kids on a daily basis and the whole time I watched it as a kid, I had no idea. I learned “Be kind” and “I am special”, and I especially learned that I adored Mister Rogers. But until I watched “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” last night, I had no clue of his mission in life: to make a community.

Making a Community

Fred Rogers understood the importance of “community” before the term was even popular. In fact, he tried at one point to branch off into TV for adults and it failed. He had so invested in his branding for the care of children that society was unable to support him elsewhere.

Joanne Rogers, his widow, shares that Fred closely identified with Daniel the Tiger. They shared their worries, concerns and difficulties with growing up. In the clip below, Daniel wonders if he is a big mistake. After all, no other tigers look like he. And although Lady Aberlin assures him that he is not, and even sings him a song about how special he is, Daniel joins in the song with his own verbiage about his worries as they sing in tandem.

Mrs. Rogers later tells us that as Fred’s confidence grew, he became more “King Friday” who confidently led his Kingdom, but still owned up to his mistakes as a humble servant of the Neighborhood community.

Make Believe Neighborhood

I won’t spoil the movie for you but there are many things to learn. For instance, did you know that the address of the Make Believe Neighborhood, “143”, has important significance? How about the fact that Mister Rogers was an ordained minister? Yes, he considered the show his ministry to children. Did you know that he addressed difficult issues, such as divorce, grief and bullying? They even brought him back to do a brief after 9/11. Although the man had no official training in psychology or counseling (his degree was in music composition), we turned to him in times of difficulty and relied on him to help our children through. His care was deep and truly at the heart of his self-branding.

In our small theater of about 30 people, I counted four ladies crying on the way out and two additional in the ladies room afterward. I watch very few documentaries. But this one is inspiring and worth your time.

Check out Master the Mad you Feel here. It’s a good jazzy reminder of how we can control our feelings.

And, Daniel’s and Lady Aberlin’s “You Are Not a Mistake” below.

https://youtu.be/x6XAP_VThhk

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How Do I Know If He Has Changed?

Julie BB2021-03-01T21:57:35+00:00Abuse, Homespun|

In working with victims of domestic violence and abuse, I hear a common question: “How do I know that he has changed?” This usually happens when a wife has left hubby and he’s scrambling to get his “normal” back.

It’s an important question. After all, how many times do we hear from our partners: “I’ve changed”. “I’m different now”. “I won’t do it again”. And yet, it does.

In Christian relationships, we often try for YEARS to salvage the marriage.

We’ve Been Taught:

A wife should never leave her husband.
God is pro-marriage, no matter WHAT.
We should always forgive him and that means you should hang in there and keep truckin’.
Staying together is always best for the kiddos-make it work!

I am here to tell you differently. A wife cannot nurture her children or family properly when there is abuse in the home. AND the kids or grandkids witnessing any abuse (even emotional, spiritual or financial) is inexcusable. It’s proven that kids who witness or experience abuse while they are growing often become abusers or victims themselves. They’ve not learned how to properly deal with conflict and return to what they know. Even those that say “I’ll never do that to my wife/husband” often turn there in times of high stress. And thus the cycle continues to rotate.

God’s Will Is Never Abuse

Most importantly, God values us as His children. It is NEVER His choice for there to be abuse in a family. And it is never the fault of those who are abused. It is the (wrong) choice of the abuser when they choose to react with abuse.

Healthy family units are units where one can make a decision (even a bad one) and not be yelled at or hit. And not suffer emotional consequences like a cold shoulder, silent treatment or verbal abuse. Where one can voice an opinion and not be ostracized. A relationship where one can spend money without every penny being accounted for to their partner. When one can have friendships and healthy relationships outside of the home. And attend church without ridicule, put-downs or consequences. Yet, in spite of “church” and Christ in our lives, still over 25% of women experience abuse in marriages.

Focus Ministries

So it’s a valid question. Today at Focus Ministries in Villa Park, I took a course on “The Mind and Heart of an Abuser”. I learned a great deal. There we watched a video that really did put all the points out there to look for when an abuser in your life says that they have changed. I remind you please, “….be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matt 10:16). The video is here.

Here is a helpful Podcast Transcript from Flying Free Now. It is on how you can tell if an abuser has changed.

When is a divorce in a Christian marriage okay?

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No Fear In Love

Do Not Be Worried About Your Life

Anxiety Rules

Writing a book is no longer just writing a book-it is marketing a book (and yourself), as well.

What’s The Secret to Getting Appearances?

Is God Calling You To Talk?

What you didn’t see:

Rojo Trotting

I Went Home For Three Weeks

I Was Obedient to God

Making a Community

Make Believe Neighborhood

We’ve Been Taught:

God’s Will Is Never Abuse

Focus Ministries

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