Enjoy devotionals, respectful satire, stark honesty, humor, and warmth.
How Do I Know If He Has Changed?
In working with victims of domestic violence and abuse, I hear a common question: “How do I know that he has changed?” This usually happens when a wife has left hubby and he’s scrambling to get his “normal” back.
It’s an important question. After all, how many times do we hear from our partners: “I’ve changed”. “I’m different now”. “I won’t do it again”. And yet, it does.
In Christian relationships, we often try for YEARS to salvage the marriage.
We’ve Been Taught:
- A wife should never leave her husband.
- God is pro-marriage, no matter WHAT.
- We should always forgive him and that means you should hang in there and keep truckin’.
- Staying together is always best for the kiddos-make it work!
I am here to tell you differently. A wife cannot nurture her children or family properly when there is abuse in the home. AND the kids or grandkids witnessing any abuse (even emotional, spiritual or financial) is inexcusable. It’s proven that kids who witness or experience abuse while they are growing often become abusers or victims themselves. They’ve not learned how to properly deal with conflict and return to what they know. Even those that say “I’ll never do that to my wife/husband” often turn there in times of high stress. And thus the cycle continues to rotate.
God’s Will Is Never Abuse
Most importantly, God values us as His children. It is NEVER His choice for there to be abuse in a family. And it is never the fault of those who are abused. It is the (wrong) choice of the abuser when they choose to react with abuse.
Healthy family units are units where one can make a decision (even a bad one) and not be yelled at or hit. And not suffer emotional consequences like a cold shoulder, silent treatment or verbal abuse. Where one can voice an opinion and not be ostracized. A relationship where one can spend money without every penny being accounted for to their partner. When one can have friendships and healthy relationships outside of the home. And attend church without ridicule, put-downs or consequences. Yet, in spite of “church” and Christ in our lives, still over 25% of women experience abuse in marriages.
Focus Ministries
So it’s a valid question. Today at Focus Ministries in Villa Park, I took a course on “The Mind and Heart of an Abuser”. I learned a great deal. There we watched a video that really did put all the points out there to look for when an abuser in your life says that they have changed. I remind you please, “….be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matt 10:16). The video is here.
Here is a helpful Podcast Transcript from Flying Free Now. It is on how you can tell if an abuser has changed.
When is a divorce in a Christian marriage okay?
Write to Publish Conference Review
I’ve heard several people in the writing industry say that Write to Publish on the beautiful Wheaton College campus is their favorite conference and now I know why. I truly have to give it 5 stars. It was an amazing experience. I am tired but still trying to digest all that I learned and all that God said to me. I met some new writing friends and I love that we are all on the same rhythm and beat with two very big things in common: our writing and our love for God.
Write To Publish
The speakers and teachers were extremely informational and inspirational. I enjoyed the Fiction Toolbox with Susan Baganz tremendously. It was a good reminder of the basics and I learned some new things as well (such as an online software that you can download your manuscript to and look for certain issues). Susan, who is funny, endlessly energetic and knowledgeable, wins big kudos in the connection category.
Thank you, Susan, for taking the time to pray aloud for me and give me a big hug. We have more in common than you know.
Acquisitions Editors and Agents
The acquisition editors and agents were down-to-earth and encouraging to everyone. We were told early on that
stopping them in the hallway to talk/pitch is an okay process at Write to Publish.
Thanks to Terry Whalin who wandered by when I was sitting in the auditorium. He cared enough to ask what I am working on. We worked together on The Writer’s View (Yahoo discussion group) as I wrote their newsletter for a couple of years. I shared with him that his book was the one I pulled off the shelf when I was ready to write my book proposal.
I don’t think he remembers The Writer’s View connection (and my third name was “Heath”) but no worries. He meets a ton of people. Later, he taught an interesting class about using Goodreads. Definitely time to up my game on that one.
I also enjoyed the class on sales funnels for your book from Lee Warren. He maintains a lot of experience in the industry and has a wide range of knowledge on both sales funnels and markets that need writers that I never even thought of. I now have a handy-dandy list!
Bob Hostetler is Inspiring
Our speakers for the General Sessions, banquet, etc were talented and kept us alternately laughing and musing. Bob Hostetler hit me hard over the head a few times with his words. He reminded me that often that God has chosen us BECAUSE of our weaknesses. To not let our fears take over and let Him down on what He is calling us to do. I almost did not attend this conference due to my fear. Bob felt that each one of us at the conference are called, talented and there for a reason. It was a common theme throughout the week that WE are the best people to write on our particular passions/topics. We are each unique and no one else can write like we do.
Michelle Medlock Adams carries humor like a sidearm, but is sweet. She had all of us not only in stitches but
nodding our heads and agreeing with her points. I would have to say after hearing these wonderful people all week, I am reminded that no matter where I go (or don’t go), or no matter where my project lands (or perhaps it won’t land), it is my impact on other people that makes the difference.
Writing Conference Worship
Cynthia Ruchti led worship and it was a beautiful time of reflection and closeness to God. God used her each day to love on me and even late in the conference (this AM), had me in tears as she gave me yet another indication that I am to go forward with my book topic and try to reach the nation (this was the 12th “nudge” from various people in three days!). It was only a half-day today so when I awoke, I figured it would be a low-key and perhaps a low-impact day. I was wrong. I sit here stunned, amazed and grateful just like the other days.
Lin Johnson and Jane Rubietta
Thanks to Lin Johnson and Jane Rubietta who organize this amazing conference every single year. I can only imagine the workload. I can’t believe I didn’t attend before now, but I am trusting that God’s time is always right.
Three Weeks of Bliss in Cannon Beach
Well, although the weather isn’t really cooperating today (making it a great writing day!), I can hardly believe that I have only ten days left at my beach. I’ve enjoyed some great rest, relaxation, hikes, berry picking and quality time with my kids/parents and extended family. It is good to see some other projects making progress while I am here, as well.
Soul Restoration Ministries
I enjoyed time with the ARMS team (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services) as we talked about the upcoming ministry changes /growth. I also met with Soul Restoration Ministries in Vancouver. It was wonderful to tour the Soul Restoration House (Gorgeous! Separate blog post to follow) and hear more about how the ministry came to be.
Hubby Bill and middle son Nick came to visit for 5 days and in that time period, I managed to attend my 30th-year high school reunion with hubby (whose presence greatly helped). Wow! I’m so glad that I attended. Unlike at our ten year (last one I attended), people really moved out of their cliques and friendship groups to get to know other people. It was rewarding and fun.
We also got to meet up with Emily and Keith (our daughter and her cousin) who are currently hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. We drove about 5 hours to meet them at a campground near Mt Bachelor. Amazing views and beauty there. Sure brought to heart how much I miss the Pacific NW!
Northwest Blackberries
Yesterday we took Bill and Nick to the airport and had an hour or so at daughter Megan’s house. They have an amazing patch of blackberries and we had 20 more minutes so I grabbed two buckets and we had a contest to see who could get the most. The kids won, of course. Came back to the beach with plenty for eating and also to make a gluten-free cobbler for tonight! Yum! (In Illinois we pay about $5 for 15 of them and they don’t taste as good as the fresh NW grown ones). Here they are considered a “weed” and quite noxious as they spread all over the place and take over yards and gardens. But on empty lots or along the roadways, it is berry paradise.
Being Productive at the Beach
This morning I’m writing a blog post and updated a proposal and 3 sample chapters for a new agent requesting to view my book. I’m also reviewing a potential client’s online presence. I hope to get to write more on the new book soon as well but that may not be today. After all, family and beach time is a requirement each day here!
https://youtu.be/2zaZNBEgdKY
How to Find Joy In Christmas Chaos
This Christmas season has been crazy so far and I have been feeling more than a bit overwhelmed this week. I’m sure that many of you are too. I participated in #NaNoWriMo (Writing 50k words of my novel in the month of November- WHY do they have it in November?!). I’m close to wrapping the book up. Until it does wrap, I am a bit mentally challenged (and often distracted) as it is stuck in my head and needs to get out. In fact, book 2 in the series needs to “get out ” too. That will definitely have to wait until after the holidays.
Do Writers Get Counseling?
How do book writers do this regularly? Get counseling? :-) I write on some hard topics and perhaps this is an answer. I also hear of some who do an outline as soon as they have an idea for a new plotline. Maybe that would be helpful. My head is full of my characters and what they are experiencing and I apparently I need to learn how to let that go.
I work a day job as well, which includes some weekend and evening events. “Days off” from that office are limited- and also have some marketing clients. Usually, the house is decorated by now but alas, it is not. We did get a tree up and lights on yesterday. Yay!
I’ve started shopping for presents so there is some success there. But I am hosting a gathering on the 15th and haven’t even started planning yet. I usually bake massive amounts of goodies each year for family and friends (I have a reputation to uphold there)-but have already decided to cut WAY back on that.
This Christmas is the year of too much.
And it is making me sad because I want to be joyful.
But the days only have so many hours in them, and there is just too much going on.
Today at church, our pastor gave a very timely message for me and it hit me right at the heart. The scripture was Isaiah 7:2-9. I encourage you to read it. The points pulled from it were:
BE CAREFUL- Things to think about: what is pressuring me? What feels overwhelming? These are things that might cause me to make unwise decisions because I am feeling rattled. Right there in church, I reflected and made a list, and then I was able to choose some priorities over others. Even listing it out helped some.
BE CALM– What can I do this week to increase my calm and peace? Anxiety is also something that can steer me towards making unwise choices. Well, making a list and prioritizing was a start to this. Realizing what has to be done this week- and what can wait until next weekend. Reminding myself that I am human and that there is one of me (although hubby has been a big help) and not setting myself up for failure by expecting myself to be Super Human. It just won’t happen. So I am working on my calm list this week, and already some of my “must-do’s” have moved to next week.
Do Not Fear. Never Lose Hope
DON’T FEAR– This is a rough one for me as anxiety in the last few years is high on my list of things to work on. Within this stress I listed above, there are a lot of new things happening too and there is always some fear in new things for me. I need to keep telling myself to trust God- as He truly does have it all in His hands. I do feel a peace that He is guiding my steps and that I am moving in the direction that He wants me to go.
DO NOT LOSE HOPE– I am much too stubborn to lose hope entirely but aren’t some days discouraging? For sure. This is my temporary life, and my temporary home and I want to focus more on what has value for my eternal life. I have much to be grateful for, as we all do.
This week, I am going to work on finding joy in the chaos of the holidays. I will implement the above strategies and I am also going to keep two lists. One of my accomplishments and one of my things I am grateful for.
Both will help me look back-and make sure that I am focused and reflecting on a clearer path.
OOOOH! La La Land!
What makes a movie great to me? Well of course, there has to be the standard stuff: great writing, great acting, great production, good music/sound effects and more. But what truly makes a movie great for me is its impact on my life-even days later.
I have to tell you that “La La Land” fits into that category. Each year, when I don’t catch the ones nominated for awards when they are released to the theaters, I try and see them after nomination. (The year I became a mother was the year that I suddenly realized that I hadn’t watched them all by the time that they were nominated-and for some weird reason that continues to this day). So, I am currently working my way through the list, trying to determine what is worth seeing in the theater (for money) vs waiting for months to see at home (for free…well, limited money). I am certainly glad that I chose to see “La La Land” in the theater as it was well worth the time and cost.
I laughed, smiled, cried and reminisced. It elicited most every emotion possible in my spirit. Although I did not pay to watch it three times in 24 hours, as my brother Rick did (honestly, I was a little concerned when he said that, but now understand!), I would pay to see it again this weekend, and only saw it for the first time three days ago. That is pretty unusual for me.
In a particularly emotional part of the film (for me- and several others I suspect as I heard sniffles throughout the auditorium), there is an amazing song sung by Emma Stone when she is asked to audition for a movie and to “tell them a story”. She starts to sing, and it is a song about her aunt from Paris, who was an actress.
As I was humming the song to myself today, I realized that the song is hauntingly reminiscent of another song that I also loved when I was a youngster. That was the song, “The Rainbow Connection” that Kermit the Frog sang in the Muppet Movie, so many years ago. And it’s not just the “dream theme” of the song, there is also something within the melody of (some) similar strains. I encourage you to listen to both the songs, and to see if you agree. Pay special attention to the part of “Rainbow Connection” that says, “Someday you’ll find it-the Rainbow Connection…”
Here are the lyrics of both songs (truly the only thing in common, lyric-wise, is finding your dream, but there are places in the melody that echo each other):
Audition (The Fools Who Dream), La La Land
My aunt used to live in Paris. I remember, she used to come home and tell us these stories about being abroad. And I remember she told us that she jumped into the river once, barefoot. She smiled….(spoken)
Song:
Leapt, without looking
And tumbled into the Seine
The water was freezing
She spent a month sneezing
But said she would do it again
Here’s to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here’s to the hearts that ache
Here’s to the mess we make
She captured a feeling
Sky with no ceiling
The sunset inside a frame
She lived in her liquor
And died with a flicker
I’ll always remember the flame
Here’s to the ones who dream
Foolish as they may seem
Here’s to the hearts that ache
Here’s to the mess we make
She told me
“A bit of madness is key
To give us new colors to see
Who knows where it will lead us?
And that’s why they need us”
So bring on the rebels,
The ripples from pebbles
The painters, and poets, and plays
And here’s to the fools who dream
Crazy as they may seem
Here’s to the hearts that break
Here’s to the mess we make
I trace it all back to then
Her, and the snow, and the Seine
Smiling through it
She said she’d do it again
(Written by Justin Hurwitz, Benj Pasek, Justin Noble Paul • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc)
The Rainbow Connection
Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what’s on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we’ve been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they’re wrong wait and see.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that wishes would be heard and answered when wished on the morningstar?
Someone thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it’s done so far.
What’s so amazing that keeps us stargazing and what do we think we might see?
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
All of us under its spell.
We know that it’s probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I’ve heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I’ve heard it too many times to ignore it.
It’s something that I’m supposed to be.
Someday we’ll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me.
La-da-da, de-da-da-do
La-da-da-da-da-de-da-do
(Written by Paul Williams • Copyright © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Walt Disney Music Company, Universal Music Publishing Group)